I tell myself that poverty during youth is good for the soul...

... Trouble is, I'm not sure that I even believe in a soul.

This week, I learned that I am too poor for Chase Bank.

I recently entered a branch near my school armed with two coupons, hopeful that I could use at least one of them, if not both. I know how banks work, I thought. They want more accounts, and if you bitch loud enough, they'll let you double up on the promotional offers.

That, at least, had been my experience from the other side of the tellers' counter during the 18 months I worked part-time as a bank teller in Connecticut.

There are a couple problems with this strategy. First, I do not really know how to bitch in order to get my way. Second, even if I did know how to bitch at a complete stranger, I apparently do not have enough money for Chase Bank to really give a shit whether I keep it with them or some other chump bank.

I sat down with a plump older woman who spoke with a vaguely Caribbean accent and who explained that Chase checking accounts currently charge a monthly service fee of $6, but they were soon phasing that out in favor of a checking account that would charge a $12 monthly service fee, unless you either had a direct deposit totaling $500 or more or maintained a balance of at least $1,500. In your checking account.

I really only wanted to open the account so that (a) I could use an ATM somewhere in the city without incurring a $2 - $3 fee and (b) I could possibly earn an extra $100.

No luck on either count.

I suppose I will have to stick with my original strategy of using Rite-Aid as my own personal ATM, the only trouble there being that I can only use so much mouthwash in one week.

Livin' on the edge

One day during Dave's recent visit, he watched as, bare-fingered, I grabbed the ceramic grate off my hot stove top in an absent-minded daze. He fretted over the toaster's proximity to the sink. Concern spread across his face when he asked how I coaxed my toast out of the contraption and I replied, "With a fork."

"The way you live, my dear, is a death trap."

"Nuh-uh!" I protested. I then sliced my finger while washing a knife.

I will concede, he may have a point.

Death, taxes, and...

Pundits of all political stripes will never cease to amaze me with their ability to use a mind-blowingly awful tragedy as an opportunity to defame their political opponents. Why did Jared Lee Loughner shoot all those people? Was it Glenn Beck who made him do it? Sarah Palin? Sean Hannity? Keith Olbermann? The Hamburglar?

In some instances, the perpetrator of crimes like this has a clearly delineated motive and a clear goal in mind. My amateur speculation tells me this was not the case with Loughner, that he was just an emotionally unstable individual who simply came unhinged.

In some ways, that scenario is even scarier than the terrorist who has a clear, political motive for his or her actions. You can't plan for this kind of tragedy, and you can't predict it. All you can predict is the typical reactionary bullshit from both sides of the aisle afterward. I say that only three things in life are certain: death, taxes, and Rush Limbaugh's eagerness to blame a tragedy of epic proportions on the Democrats. (Dems, don't think you get off scot-free, either!)

Ultimately, I think Jon Stewart had the best take on it.

On a more serious note, Mother Jones has done some very excellent reporting on Loughner, and I would encourage anyone interested in learning more to check out the following articles.

Exclusive: Loughner Friend Explains Alleged Gunman's Grudge Against Giffords

Jared Lee Loughner's Currency Obsession

Explained: Jared Loughner's Grammar Obsession

Should Mental Health Be a Public Safety Issue?

Women's body issues: men's fault or women's?

Ohhh... FanTASTic!! I can eat more now because a may-un gave me permission to!

Anyone who reads this article and buys this line of bull, listen up for a minute: It is not "other women" but society that gives women these body insecurities, and society's ideals of female beauty are very much modeled on those of a very specific ruling class of men.

Hey guys, you like your woman just the way she is and don't want her to feel like she has to be model skinny or live up to some stupid and unrealistic ideal? That's great! I commend you for thinking for yourself (kinda) and not just caving to society's ideals. (No sarcasm there. I really mean that.)

But!! That still doesn't mean that women's body issues are only the fault of other women.

And ladies, if you feel insecure about yourselves only because you think no man will ever find you attractive, take heart: There is assuredly some fella out there who wants to do you doggie style.

I've become a germophobe since moving to New York, particularly while riding the subway.

As I grip the handrails, I swear I can feel microbes crawling around under my palms. Salmonella. Influenza. The common cold. I think about all the people who must have touched that rail before me and how clean or dirty their hands must have been.

I realize that most reasonable people will wash their hands after urinating, defecating, handling raw meat, masturbating, and doing lord knows what else, but at least a few people don't.

And that's really all it takes, isn't it? Just a few people.

Ick.

This summer, television and radio personality Glenn Beck launched his own, unaccredited, college (?) - Beck University.

According to Inside Higher Ed, Professor Stoner is slated to teach a course on charity, but instead says he plans to focus mainly on Constitutional issues. Specifically...

"... he said in a brief interview that the lectures are all focused on general issues related to the Constitution and the development of American traditions. His first talk will be about federalism, his second on the separation of powers, and the third on individual rights."

So in other words, at Beck University, you can relearn your high school social studies curriculum. Or at least Political Science 101. I have to be honest: It worries me a little bit if this is new knowledge to Glenn Beck's baccalaureates.

Also, Professor Stoner is the only actual professor (one of three, actually) teaching at Beck University. Just a thought.

It's just the curse of being a girl

I have to confess, I haven't posted nearly as much as I would like to because I've been busy. Dealing with job hunting, roommate issues, getting ready for school, and working a part-time temp job in the meantime, but I felt like writing now because of something that happened today.

I had my MFA orientation this morning, and it went splendidly. Afterwards, I had to head to the Post Office for a money order. As I exited near the corner of Nostrand Avenue and Avenue J, I heard kissy noises fired in my direction, followed by a "Hey, sexy!"

Slightly shaken, mostly angry, I turned to find the source of the offending noises, a squat little troll sitting in the passenger seat of a dark-colored, sedan-type car. He continued with the kissy noises as I looked at him for half a moment. Then, appropriately, I flipped him the bird and started walking towards the Metro station.

He was clearly Not Happy that I had rejected his generous "compliments" in such a flippant manner. The troll taunted me as I continued walking: "You can shove that up your ass, sunshine!" and the like. This is what we females are supposed to consider "just a compliment"?

Oh, and did I mention that he was actually following me in his car as this happened?

I have to admit: I was a little bit afraid because in that instant, I didn't know what this dude was going to do. I continued down Nostrand Avenue towards the train stop, trembling with rage, my mouth filling with saliva, ready to hock a loogey in this guy's direction if he came within spitting distance of me. Eventually, he got stuck at a red light and I escaped into a crowd. Relief.

I understand that catcalls are an unfortunate aspect of being female and living in a city, but still, it angers me that women must accept second-class status, particularly with regard to personal safety. We shouldn't have to shrug off some douchebag's backasswards idea of a compliment, we shouldn't have to carry pepper spray or look over our shoulders every few steps.

Perhaps my actions could have provoked this Neanderthal to violence. I'm lucky that didn't happen, but I don't regret my actions, either. If you can, I encourage every woman finding herself in a similar predicament to do the same thing I did. Respond. Let the offender know that you do not appreciate his harassment, that you are not some passive object existing only for his viewing pleasure. Flipping the bird is certainly not the most creative response to a catcaller, but catcallers, by their very nature, are uncreative beings.

If I have to give the self-described pickup artists credit for anything, it's for having at least a little more creativity than their wolf-whistling counterparts.

The New York Times had an article the other day on electronic gadgetry etiquette.

I have my own code of etiquette that I try to follow when it comes to picking up phone calls and texting.

• If you are hanging out one-on-one with somebody, it is rude to pick up a phone call and hold an extended conversation, unless it is an emergency. There are some situations where it might be acceptable to pick up the phone, for example, if you're meeting up with another friend and need to give them directions or tell them you're running late. Otherwise, you should give your real-life friend your time and attention. I was once driving to the mall with a friend who picked up a phone call and proceeded to have a 25-minute conversation with another friend. I found that extremely rude.
• There are, however, some situations where it might be more acceptable to pick up the phone when you're with another person. An emergency is obviously one of those exceptions. A quick, important, non-emergency phone call is also acceptable. If you and your friend are going to meet up with somebody else, it's probably OK to call the person you're planning to meet up with, if say, you need to give them directions or tell them you're running late.
• The family dinner table is never an appropriate place to text. It may be different with your friends, tough.

And finally...

• It is never, ever, ever acceptable to text while driving. This one should be a no-brainer. Pull over. You may insist that you're good at it and that you can do it without crashing, but remember that there are other people on the road. Driving requires your full attention.

I'd vote for Ted Bundy, too!!

Wandering the Internets on my way back to New York City the other day (Sidenote: Greyhound buses offer free wi-fi!), I stumbled upon a super-edgy fellow going by the name of Dick Masterson.

As I browsed his blog, Men Are Better Than Women, I found posts titled "Women Would Vote for Hitler" and "Every Women Is A Cheating Whore."

Because I'm a woman, I was naturally cheating even as I typed those very words. Or was I? After all, Masterson says, men have integrity and women don't, so men tell the truth while women lie. So I must be lying about cheating. Right?

Anyway, it's tempting to believe that Dickie boy was seriously burned by a woman at some point in his life. Or maybe burned by several women at multiple points in his life.

Or maybe he wasn't breastfed long enough as an infant.

Or maybe he's just mad that one of those lying, cheating whores won't cheat with him.

But most likely, he's just figured out that the quickest route to fame is to be a public asshole and to say outrageous things that he understands will upset the majority of the population.

Sure, it could be satire, but if it is, it's satire of the "Woman! Get back in the kitchen!" variety. That is to say, it doesn't make fun of existing power structures and really only serves to make privileged white guys like Masterson feel "edgy" for repeating tired old tropes that were passé by the 1960s.

And if he's serious? If he really, truly feels that way about women? Well, I honestly feel a little bit sorry for him. It must be pretty miserable to carry around that much angst and hatred for people different than yourself, be they women, handicapped people, racial minorities, or queer folks.

Or maybe I'm just too lazy to expend that kind of energy necessary to expel that much vitriol against other people. After all, I am a woman, so besides being whorish, I must be slothful, too.

p.s. He may be a bit of a dick, but at least Roissy's blog is somewhat entertaining.

p.p.s. Hitler was not "raised by a single mother." Hitler had a troubled relationship with his father and purportedly turned to German Nationalism as a way to rebel against his father, who died when Hitler was nearly 14 years old. Yeah, and male sheep are called rams (if they're intact) or wethers (if they're castrated). But since I hail from Stafford, I have an unfair advantage in knowing that.

Ugh. Twilight.

The wonderfully intelligent Erin Alyssa has a post up about the recent vampire craze (see True Blood and Twilight for notable examples) and her own personal distaste for it. She compares the vampire craze to 19th-century Orientalism.

An excerpt...

I taught Orientalism twice as a teaching assistant, and it was one of my favorite social and artistic movements to discuss. Orientalism was a trend in the 19th century when cultural producers, particularly artists and writers, created an “imaginary orient,” if I can borrow from Linda Nochlin, a sort of screen onto which they could convey Western desires. Because the subject matter of these pieces of art and literature were of the Middle East, it was okay for the women to be nude, fine for the men to be violent, and more than okay for there to be lascivious sexual acts. This Western constructed view of the Orient as sexually free, lavish, and idle was detrimental to the Western world’s opinion of the inhabitants of the Middle East.

Though I do not worry about what will happen to people’s opinions of fictional vampires, I find parallels between Orientalism, and the exoticizing of the “other” (in this case, Eastern inhabitant) and the recent vampire phenomenon. The values that these vampire phenoms represent, even as constructs, are problematic, as they appear to be the opposite of what we claim we’d like for our own society.

Though there has been a push in recent years for equal rights between the sexes, and some people even think feminism is outdated and no longer necessary (which cannot be further from the truth) in vampire land (in this case, Twilightvampire land) Edward can emotionally abuse and borderline stalk his defenseless girlfriend and instead of this behavior being creepy and inappropriate… it’s considered romantic… because he’s a vampire. Does this make sense? No, and it’s even more disturbing when young girls quote passages of this garbage to defend and rationalize staying in their own abusive relationships. Good for you, Stephanie Meyer.

Personally, Twilight annoys me because I cut my teeth on Anne Rice novels as an adolescent, and her vampires certainly don't sparkle, but Erin makes some very excellent points. Go read!

Creepy man at the Halsey Street J last night...

"So are we going to your apartment or mine?"

Me: "You're going back to your apartment, and I'm going back to mine. Separately."

Man: "What if I pay you?"

Me: "Especially not if you pay me!"

Country mouse, city mouse

"We grow good people in our small towns, with honesty and sincerity and dignity."


It's been almost two years since a certain once-VP hopeful spoke those words during a speech. At the time, that rankled me - even though I was (and let's be honest, still am) "small town folk." But today, I want to return to those words to share with you an anecdote that contradicts this "Small town folk = good, city folk = bad" mentality.

Dave came down to Brooklyn on Friday for a Sondre Lerche concert in Greenpoint. We had to take the J train to Lorimer Street, walk a couple blocks to the G train, and take that to Greenpoint Avenue.

As we walked down the stairs to the platform for the G train, we noticed a sort of peculiar scene. There was a young man standing on our side of the platform. He looked to be about our age. The way he was dressed, he looked like he had just come from a run or a workout. On the opposite platform were a teenage girl and a little boy, probably about eight or nine years old. Dave and I guessed that they were brother and sister.

The boy was visibly distraught, his face scrunched up into painful contortions, tears flowing freely. His sister was trying to comfort him, to little avail. The man on our side of the platform waved to him, trying to cheer him up. "It's gonna be OK, man!" he said. But the boy continued to cry.

Without much prompting, the young man ran up the stairs and reappeared on the other side of the platform, alongside the girl and boy. He dropped to the ground and pressed his ear against the edge of the platform, listening. Then, he leapt down from the platform and grabbed a small action figure that was lying near the train tracks. Evidently, the boy had dropped it, the source of his anguish.

When the man leapt back up onto the platform and handed the toy back to the boy, his face lit up. The tears evaporated, and he smiled. The man walked back up the stairs and returned to our side of the platform. Dave and I chatted with him for a bit before we went our separate ways. He introduced himself as Aku (I probably spelled that wrong) and said he saw the whole scene unfold. He had never jumped down onto the tracks like that before, and he described how his heart was pounding as he did it.

None of this is to say that people in small towns suck, though some people sure like to strongly imply it for political reasons. Underlying it is the suggestion that, if we grow good people in our small towns, then what kind of people do we grow in our big cities? Or anything in between? The point is, it's stupid to put people into boxes like "Good" or "Bad" according to their origins and not their actions.

I miss Connecticut, but New York is OK.

Craziness in Connecticut

First up, Hartford Mayor Eddie Perez was found guilty of bribery and first-degree larceny by extortion, among some other charges. Nice!

Everyone loves a story about underwear-clad criminals, right?

Some West Hartford-related creepiness...

And finally, a story about a Meriden nail salon owner who was ordered to stop doing tattoo removals. Why, you may ask? Because she didn't have a medical license!!! See, in order to laser into people's skin, you apparently need to have some kind of medical credentials. Crazy, right?

What really kills me, though, is this part:

In April, a woman went to Nailtique to have a tattoo removed from her left ring finger, she wrote in a complaint filed with the state health department. Afterward, her hand hurt and swelled. Three days later, she was admitted to the hospital overnight and given antibiotics and pain medication. The woman wrote that she had third-degree burns and had seen surgeons because she was unable to close her hand completely.

"I now have complaints regarding the quality of care and question whether or not this establishment is licensed to perform this procedure and whether or not they should be doing this in the Meriden mall," the woman wrote.

You thought that a tattoo removal offered for $100 in a nail salon in the mall was legitimate??? Yeah, the lady definitely shouldn't have been doing tattoo removals, but I also don't think it constitutes victim-blaming to suggest that perhaps this complainant was a bit of a dumbass herself.

Ahh... I love my home state...

Here's some interesting news

Abortion rights groups have long opposed ultrasound laws, which are typically enacted by anti-abortion legislators in an effort to dissuade women from having abortions. Personally, I haven't opposed laws mandating women should have the option to view the ultrasound, but if she doesn't to look at it, then you can't physically force her to look at it.

But perhaps pro-choice groups can rest a little easier. The New York Times reports today that ultrasounds seldom actually have the effect of changing a woman's mind about abortion. The NYT interviewed women and staff at clinics in Alabama for the story.

Staff members interviewed at three of the seven abortion clinics in the state estimated that 30 percent to 70 percent of women chose to see ultrasound images. But they said it was uncommon for women to be dissuaded.

It had happened occasionally, they said, when a sonogram revealed a multiple pregnancy or when a woman was already deeply unsure about her choice...

“About half of women opt to view them,” said Diane Derzis, who owns the Birmingham clinic. “And I’ve never had one patient get off the table because she saw what her fetus looks like.”

One woman even reported that she found it reassuring...

“It just looked like a little egg, and I couldn’t see arms or legs or a face,” said Tiesha, 27, who chose to view her 8-week-old embryo before aborting it at the Birmingham clinic. “It was really the picture of the ultrasound that made me feel it was O.K.”

Interesting...

The Supreme Court is not a fucking beauty pageant.

For as strongly as I support a woman's right to choose abortion in the event of an unwanted pregnancy, a pregnancy gone wrong, or any number of other difficult life situations, there are indeed some pro-lifers who I really respect. It's a small number, but they're out there. (This is where I give a shout-out to the lovely Ms. Kelsey Hazzard, of Secular Pro-Life.)

There really are some pro-lifers out there who are genuinely interested in helping needy pregnant women. That is totally cool! Much as I may disagree with their views on whether or not abortion should be legal, I greatly respect that some people are actually willing to follow through on their rhetoric and help women who would rather not have abortions. (There are some very legitimate criticisms of some crisis pregnancy centers that I'll have to save for another time.)

Alas, Gingi Edmonds does not fall into the aforementioned category of pro-lifers I respect. I recently discovered the writings of Ms. Edmonds on Facebook. She is an avid anti-abortion activist and a self-proclaimed freelance photographer based out of California. (By the way, for a truly awesome freelance photographer, contact Jeremy White. He will not bother you about politics.) Edmonds also apparently holds very anti-gay views and as far as I can tell, has not an intelligent thought in her head. I'm not saying that to be mean, either! Just check out this post that I'm about to disembowel.

As those of us who follow politics instead of sports know, President Obama recently nominated Elena Kagan to fill Justice Stevens' spot on the Supreme Court. Kagan appears to be pro-choice, so abortion opponents are screaming about that, but not Gingi!

Apparently faced with a dearth of any original or constructive criticism of Kagan, Edmonds decided to exit onto the low road and attack Kagan for her lack of glamour and conventional feminine beauty.

Edmonds muses:

How can she be an aware and insightful interpreter of these complex and modern times if she's never heard of Crest Whitestrips?

What? Really? ... I mean... Seriously? Even if that was an attempt at satire, it was pretty bad satire, unless that's what passes for comedy among anti-abortion activists.

Let's read on, shall we?

All joking aside, I think the fact that she looks like a foot is extremely relevant. A person's cleanliness and tidiness (combed hair, brushed teeth, clean clothing) are a clear indicator of mental orderliness and tidiness. We don't have to view her un-Constitutional and pro-abortion record to get an indication that she is not fit to be in a position of leadership in this country.

To clarify, I don't like her simply because she's unattractive. I can accept that Elena Kagan is an ugly bull dike. But an ugly, pro-abort, socialist bull dike? Never.

Umm... There doesn't actually appear to be any evidence that Kagan lacks basic hygiene. Sure, she doesn't fit our ridiculous standards of conventional feminine beauty (Speaking of those who live in glass houses, neither does Edmonds), but she doesn't look dirty or unkempt. A quick Google image search reveals that Kagan actually looks rather well-groomed and tidy. And while we're judging a person's character based on superficial images found on Google, I think Kagan looks downright jolly.

Gingi, if you want to see some people who really don't give a shit about their appearance, I invite you to come to Enfield Superior Court any day between Monday and Friday. If you're lucky, you might see a DUI defendant wearing pajamas or an obviously unwashed domestic violence defendant wearing a t-shirt that reads "Fuck the police."

But maybe Edmonds is onto something. Maybe women who support abortion rights are uglier than women who oppose them. Just check out the heinous wench whose pic I posted above. :-P

Everybody Draw Mohammed Day!

Are you aware of this? Everybody Draw Mohammed day was initiated in response to the death threats that South Park creators Matt Stone and Trey Parker received after airing an episode that purportedly showed the Muslim prophet Mohammed. The Muslim religion apparently forbids depictions of their prophet, and well, we all know how extremists get sometimes...

Well, Comedy Central censored the second part of the episode in question, which, in my humble opinion, is complete bullshit. I respect all people equally, regardless of faith, race, sexual orientation, or any other silly arbitrary qualities. (That is, of course, until they do something individually to piss me off, but let's not talk about Sarah Palin anymore). But I also think that hack job Comedy Central did on South Park amounts to nothing more than cowardly self-censorship.

Yes, some people used EDM Day as an excuse to be racist piles of shit, but there should be no prohibition on poking fun at religious differences among people and certainly no prohibition (self-imposed or otherwise) on simply depicting a religious figure. (And by the way, anybody who watched the South Park episode in question would know that they also depicted Buddha snorting cocaine, which is way more blasphemous than just showing a cartoon Mohammed.)

And I firmly believe that we must push those boundaries, push those envelopes. Nothing must be so sacred that we are willing to kill for it. I also believe in laughter. I think we should all be able to occasionally laugh at the differences amongst us. It keeps us human, keeps us humble. And if you can't laugh, you might cry; which would you rather do?

So with that, I'd like you to have a look at the little cartoon Mohammed guy in this post. I have little artistic ability, but my wonderfully talented boyfriend Dave has it in spades. He whipped up this little guy yesterday for Everybody Draw Mohammed day. Pretty obviously unoffensive, I'd say.

My $0.02 on the Blumenthal-Vietnam controversy

As some of you may know, Connecticut's Attorney General, Richard Blumenthal, was recently accused of lying about his military service after this NYTimes article. Essentially, they're saying he said he was in Vietnam when he wasn't. Blumenthal is running for Chris Dodd's Senate seat, and he's up against a clusterfuck of Republicans, including Linda McMahon and Rob Simmons, and Peter Schiff, who is... Well, who knows what the fuck Peter Schiff exactly is. The Tea Party endorsed him, even though he's not really a raving nut, but I probably still won't vote for him, although part of me strangely kind of wants to vote for him. (Of course, I'm moving to New York in about a month, so I may not vote in this thing anyway.)

So anyway, back to Blumenthal. I want to stress that I have no opinion on this, but I do want to share this little anecdote. I was covering the Memorial Day parade in Enfield last year, and there I happened to spy Mr. Blumenthal. I ambled over and started talking to him, so I could get a few quotes for my story. Mostly happy horseshit like, "This parade is great" and "We should honor our veterans."

He said something to the effect of "When I was in the Marines during Vietnam," and I off-handedly followed that up with, "Oh, did you go to Vietnam?" to which he replied that, no, he had not gone to Vietnam. He had simply served in the military while the Vietnam War was happening. I thought so little of that remark that I didn't even put it in my story. (I also thought it might sound kind of stupid to write, "Blumenthal, who served in the military during the Vietnam War but never went to war...")

So... There you have it: My Dick Blumenthal-Vietnam story. Make of it what you will. Or don't. Whatever.

Eating healthy has made me into a food snob, apparently.

The Hartford Courant reports that today is the ground-breaking for Connecticut's first Sonic restaurant, to be located in Wallingford.

On the one hand, it's about damn time, since they've been airing their commercials for years in this state with the nearest Sonic being in New Jersey.

On the other hand, I have a really hard time getting excited about another shitty fast food establishment.

Nothing but incoherent rage

Ugh. Talk about sexualizing little girls! I hate to be harsh (Oh, who am I kidding? I LOVE to be harsh!), but I think these girls' parents and dance teacher/s ought to be tarred and feathered. And then arrested for promoting child pornography. Or something. There is just no universe in which this is appropriate. Seriously.

"White privilege doesn't exist, so shut up about it already!"

On the heels of SB 1070 (Sorry, guys - I'm not opening that can of worms here), AZ Gov. Jan Brewer signed into law a bill prohibiting classes "that advocate ethnic solidarity, that are designed primarily for students of a particular race or that promote resentment toward a certain ethnic group."

Specifically, the bill targets the African-American, Mexican-American, and Native-American studies classes offered by the Tucson Unified School District.

From the link:

State schools chief Tom Horne, who has pushed the bill for years, said he believes the Tucson school district's Mexican-American studies program teaches Latino students that they are oppressed by white people.

Public schools should not be encouraging students to resent a particular race, he said.

Yeah, because it's totally a class in school that teaches minority students to resent white people.

He went on to say, "It's just like the old South, and it's long past time that we prohibited it."

If you don't understand what is wrong with that statement, then I suggest you brush up on your American history, specifically, your antebellum American history.